7. Keen on Qein: Part 3


In which we burn some bridges, fight some ghosts, and learn some secret identities.

Our DM is  Sasha Rose Hansen 

The players, in alphabetical order:

Carbry -  Bryn Ziegler 

Gary -  Rebecca Michelson 

Renora -  Tori Chancellor 

Spencer Charlemagne -  Jacob Earl 

Tongs - Grayson Abele

We’re produced by Jacob Earl 

Our theme music is “Rathgars Theme” and is available through  LateMoonRecords.com 

Tune in next week at  RathgarsHorde.com  and as always, try not to die 

spencers diary, seven

~ Excerpts from a week on the road ~ 

The bard gave us this freaky green bag of holding - it seems cool - He says it’s from a different band of World Walkers that passed through here that he hated, 2 halflings and a red-headed elf. There were “big jerks” and unspecifiedly bad. 

The bag turned my stuff into different stuff? Doesn’t like any full non-potion vial or my locket - changes noted in inventory, p. 27-29

Qien has ~50 spires! Bridges are pre-calamity and were made collaboratively 

The bag is CURSED and ATE MY GEMS but gave me a sweet jacket that is green and pink and says ‘Party Rocker’ on the back. Maybe worth it. I put it on to show everyone but it’s too shitty out here to wear it - I put it back in the bag. Can’t probably get any MORE cursed, right? 

spencer cool jacket 1.jpg
spencers jacket 2.jpg

Today I saw a gopher with spines on its body all over. Seems to me that would make it difficult to burrow but it managed. I tried to catch it but it was too fast. Also saw spined buffalo (spuffalo) and thorn bears which is what the bard says the Spears are called. I didn‘t try to catch any of them they were too big and worrying looking. The bard is loosening up I think. 

I asked The Giant to help me talk to Harold and they did! He doesn’t have a pre-existing name or gender, seems like Voorp don’t think mostly in terms of verbal or written labels, more impressions and imagery. He’s very happy to be with us, but he would like to swim, which I get. It is very dusty on this planet and largely shaded. The platforms above block out the sky, leaving everything in this shitty twilight.  It’s like being in a basement or an attic all the time and gives this weird claustrophobic feeling to the outdoors. The outdoors! I look forward to when we climb, because it really feels like you’re moving forward and TOWARDS something but it’s exhausting. 

I tried to get The Demon to crack open this locket I found in the murder mansion but she said it was cursed.  So I used my divination spell and it WORKED! It was, well. MAGICAL! The locket has got a wizards ghost in it. He’s some horny bastard who will fall in love with whoever opens the locket. The Demon fixed the chain and now I wear it round my neck. Maybe I can help - or sell it. 

The Innocent map has actully proven helpful, once decoded. On top of the spire of innocents are a bunch of bridges. We are headed to the spire of the sleeper and there are two bridges that go that way - the bridge of the stars and the bridge of the tree. Although, maybe it’s a waterfall. It’s ambiguous. I didn’t investigate the bridge of the tree. 

The bridge of the stars is a big gate with stars on the front. Made of pitted obsidian w/ real  stars made of precious metal on the front. No visible seams, but The Demon used an unlocking spell & the constellations changed and the door opened. 

Even though it was day, as soon as we stepped though onto the stone everything went dead black. Through some investigation The Giant discovered the correct path along the stars embedded along the floor and led us. 

I should mention that during the last week the bard gave us this cursed bag of holding that changed a bunch of my stuff into other stuff (changes noted in inventory) notably turning my lantern into a little and very bright – flameless lantern? Magic lamp? Magic light? Here I will notate it as my lantern but know that it shone an unusually bright purple light in a singular direction. 

I shone my lantern behind us and a freaky cloud busted down the door we had just come through! We hustled along faster, panicking until we came to this statue of a woman pointing the way we came, and a lack of bridge beyond. The Giant (who has been collecting natural specimens) threw a rock past her & it went straight up into the air!

Photo Sep 18, 2018 at 144004.jpg

The Giant and The Golem turned her to face our forward, but nothing happened. I looked close with my lantern & found a seam on her arm - The Golem pushed the outstretched arm down and a path appeared! We made it out okay – the lock made sense now I guess – but the freaky cloud was hot on our trail. But here’s the thing, looking back through the gate I could see the cloud, but two steps to the left, looking past the gate to the bridge, it looked empty. Remembering a plot point in The Jacksonspire Twins Get Lost I suggested we break the door from this side by destroying the celestial lock (I also wanted one of the stars). But no matter what I tried, it seemed I was not destined to snag a star. The Demon however (who is either a jeweller or a forger) walked right up and snagged a platinum one.

I describe this bridge best I can because best case it has a dervish trapped on it, worst case it is very very broken. Doors still there, platinums still there, but it seemed sentient? The stone seemed MAD at being desecrated. It hummed a big noise, tuneless but loud. Freaked me out. 

But what freaked me out MOST was that we were NOW IN A FUCKING GRAVEYARD! The uninhabited spire marked on the innocent map as “spookie gosts” was a spooky foggy graveyard! The fog can be avoided and causes no adverse effect I could tell, but he land was a minefield of shallow graves mares with grave stones — which seems almost a theatrical contradiction but there you are

update The Golem says the dirts prob not that deep


We were doin okay until The Giant stumbled, putting their foot through the grave of a tiefling woman – whose ghost materialized out of the hole in a plume of smoke!! I hit at it with my sword but like, it’s a ghost. I want to honor her memory but her name was in infernal. I have copied it down to ask The Demon about. The Tiefling came out of her grave & I hit her with my sword and she looked so SCARY. I HATE GHOSTS. I hate them so much. The dead should stay dead. 

The Demon says it said “Dahlia Derringer”. 

The  details of the fight escape me. Too much happened at once. Swords didn’t do much, and when I tried to cast a charm spell on Dahlia she just hissed at me. So I hid, and stayed hid. Until the ghost a halfling named Robert Alabaster popped up and scared me — I swear he scared tears off my life — so I ran — everyone but The Monk and The Giant ran — and then Dahlia possessed The Giant. 

what do you do when all of a sudden the enemy is your friend? You can’t shoot them! So we focused on Robert - and I shot some arrows at him but what worked best was magic. None of my magic, but magic. Dahlia just mostly stood there — The Golem it turns out is a cleric but he couldn’t exorcise the ghost without waking the whole graveyard, so we were a little shit outta luck. 

I tried to restrain The Giant, and failed pretty bad. The wizards pumped spells into them, I dunno what kind but after a few seconds The Giants, body relaxed? They looked so much more peaceful. And a ghost popped out! I tried to hit it with an arrow but the bard got there first with some kind of magic dagger (!) that radiated black flame. We then snuck out of that graveyard. It takes up most of the spire, so it’s tough to navigate. 

But on the far side of the underworld lies a prize: a sapphire the size of an ostriches eggs on a bed of stone laurels on top of a 20ft stone plinth. I tried to lift it w/ mage hand, but it was too heavy. I could see no way to climb the tower. Behind the sapphire was a giant stone woman — a golem. 

Something is wrong with The Monk. She has been sleeping worse than me — and that saying something. Then, this morning — yesterday morning. She came up with a big gash on her face and a psycho calmness. The Golem has been trying to heal her but I don’t know. 

The Giant stone woman guarding the bridge to the spire of sleep did not seem, unfriendly, we yelled up at her in common, then elvish. Then The Demon suggested dwarfish and that’s it! An 11ft tall golem speaks dwarvish. We told her we mean her no harm & she let us pass — but she knows neither sign language nor speech. She understands dwarfish but couldn’t communicate anything back to us other than whether or not we could pass. 

to do

  • Get a giant notebook

  • Lay out the basics of cantSigns

  • Add in some names to choose from in case she doesn’t have one 

  • If we ever make it back, I guess. 


After the silent stone golem was a long dwarf-made bridge with bites taken out of it. Gem egg? Spikes on all the animals? I’m guessing roc. I don’t wanna fight a roc. 

Two-thirds of the way down this bridge is a man sitting dead still in the middle of the path —who, when The Giant walked up to him, pointed a sword right at them. In response, The Giant and The Monk sat down across from him and closed their eyes. This I guess was the move because a few minutes later they popped back up & started talking about how we have to fight some dream raiders? Which, based off the name alone sold me. raiders are men, not big birds or ghosts. We would go to the _dream dimension_which freaked the bard out. 

He was cursed by his ex bf and now he can never love again! And there’s a magic crystal stuck to his heart that teleports him when he gets too comfortable! What a terrible curse! A lot like my life but I’m not cursed I’m just me. 

Most interesting though was The Golems revelation that he used to be a MAN whose forge was destroyed — along with his body. I KNEW IT! I I FUCKING CALLED IT! HES A MAN IN A GOLEM NO GOLEM ACTS THAT MUCH LIKE A MAN. Anyway - that’s where we made camp & now I’m on watch. We found out a lot and did a lot. Met a bunch of people, Climbed things, didn’t find any treasure but that’s — no we found the sapphire but I can’t get to it. The grass gets taller the higher we go — and when we finally can see the sky it’s a deep alien blue. I still can’t fully believe we’re on an alien planet. 

Jacob EarlComment