In which introductions are made, toast is found, a harp is played, a feast is had, and a rope is climbed.

His name is brother Thuk.

Our DM is Sasha Rose Hansen

The players, in alphabetical order:

Carbry - Bryn Ziegler

Gary - Rebecca Michelson

Renora - Tori Chancellor

Spencer Charlemagne - Jacob Earl

Tongs - Grayson Abele

We’re produced by Jacob Earl

Our theme music is “Rathgars Theme” and is available through LateMoonRecords.com

Tune in next week at RathgarsHorde.com and as always, try not to die.

Spencer’s Diary, one

Dear Diary, today I went blind.

The Monks pushed me through a mirror and on the other side I could speak again and I was in a small castle courtyard & it was dark. There were other other people there too: a Golem, a Demon, a Giant, and a Monk with glowing white eyes. I asked The Golem if it was a man and he got mad at me, then I pissed off The Demon by calling her a dragon. Which I thought was funny, because she is very much like a dragon. In the centre of the courtyard was a big broad tree, and The Monk and I snuck over to it and saw hiding in it a spooky shape, that I thought was a puma. The Monk climbed up the tree while I slipped and fell on my ass, and (she said later) a Giant owl gave her a riddle about secrets and then a piece of toast.

Behind the tree was the door into the castle and in front of it and off to the side was a big suit of armor. The Demon is a wizard and poked the armor with a magic hand, and the armor did nothing, so I tried to walk past it and The Demon jumped out of the shadows and saved me saying that the armor was dangerous and alive. The Armor made us all reveal a secret before we could pass (see attached).

Inside the castle was a Giant Freaky Monster (asleep on the stairs up to the second floor) and a magic harp that stopped when we walked in. The Monk ran over and played the harp, keeping the monster asleep, while The Giant, The Demon, and I, walked over to a chest we could see. On the way I set off a dart-trap that missed everyone but The Golem (who seems to be fine) and I disarmed the trap and we moved on. It was a simple pressure plate that I nailed down so it couldn’t shoot us again. The chest proved more difficult because it was locked magically, and by riddle. The riddle implied that the chest needed to ‘bloom’ but applying growing magic to it did nothing. I said “I literally want you to make the chest bloom“ but neither wizard could do it. The Giant, in a moment of inspiration, used forest-magic to show the chest a picture of the sun and it opened up to reveal a glowing trinket-ring, which The Demon and I gave to The Giant who cannot see in the dark like we can.

Looking around for the next thing to do The Demon led us down a hallway, but there was some kind of smoke-monster at the end of it so we got scared and ran into the first room we could see, a dining room. The doors locked behind us and we were trapped. There was a jokey-fake king in a bad crown at the end of a long table, covered in delicious, sparkling, glowing and very very cursed food. Behind the king was a tapestry with a scene of some people attacking a wall. The Golem walked over and hit the wall, dislodging the tapestry and revealing three potions, and then everything sort of fell apart as the food’s effect got to us. The magic was very powerful and we could not resist eating some.

The effects were varied, but when I ate an apple I shrunk down one foot, so I ran over to the vials The Golem had discovered and grabbed them, noticing that they were the same kind of antidote that Hoss Grabkin sold me against the crystal cup that I went and got for him, but when I turned around, vials in hand, I couldn’t stop singing and my mind went blank with panic, I even forgot to steal the goofy-looking crown that was on the fake-looking skeleton!

This bit is all a blur of everyone panicking and trying to climb up into a vent, but I remember The Golem jumping over and over trying to make it up and catch the lip of the vent in the ceiling. We all made it eventually, but I fell asleep and was passed up into a dark room. When I looked around, everyone was a little worse for wear, and then The Giant started turning to stone! So I poured a potion down their throat and turned around and The Golem was trying to break his fingers off because they wouldn’t stop growing and that freaked me out so I poured a potion onto him and he went back to normal, which left me and The Demon fighting it out for the last potion because we had both shrunk one foot in height.

I could see in her eyes that she was about to beat the shit out of me and take the vial, so I said “hey, you COULD beat me up, but that’s not fair! Let’s do something I could potentially win. Something we are even at” and then I cheated and beat her at cards. As I drank the final potion and triumphantly shot back up into the air I said “so long sucker!” Which I maintain was very funny. But I felt bad a little.

1. The Murder Mansion: Part 1